Your Poetry July 29, 2007

It's all a blur I don't know what's going on
But I feel pain. I've done something wrong.
The pain I feel is too much to bare.
I feel as though I'm not even there.
I'm watching someone else as they grab for a razor
It's not me sitting there just getting frailer.
I feel the blade as is slices my skin
The thick layer seems so very thin
The blood bubbles up to the surface
Now I feel that it was all worth it
The pain I feel is gone some how
And there on my skin is a scar now
I feel ashamed I shouldn't have done it
If it's discovered ill for sure be punished
But before I know it I'm in trouble again
Will this vicious circle ever end?
It's a trade off it is-pain for guilt
Either way it's still my fault
Don't define me by what I do
Even if it confuses you
It's just an outlet of the way I feel
And my secrets are only getting harder to conceal
There are the naïve who think it's for attention
And it may even be a disease by definition
But it's no worse than the smokers
No worse than the drinkers and the chokers
But for reasons unknown it's not as excepted
So I'm begging you now please don't be tempted
Because before you can stop it takes a hold
And day after day it won't let go
So I'm warning you now don't do what I do
Just get away before it consumes you too
Friends don't understand, they don't know what to do
So they bash scold and belittle you
They look at you strange or they pull away
Avoid eye contact and don't know what to say
They say I'm psychotic suicidal and such
Don't they know that doesn't help much?
It's wrong to think I would take my life
That's why I battle this constant strife
Who can I trust if not my best friend?
They said they would be there to the very end
I'm scared to tell one of the people I love the most
Especially now we've become so close
I don't want to lose who I have
But is it worth telling and him getting mad
The cuts on my arms and legs-I'm scared they'll be seen
I can't wait for the day I can finally be clean
The day I can be happy and free
The day I can just be me
I want to stop, trust me I really do
But how do I replace the pain with something new
Meanwhile my heart fills with fear and despair
My pain reminds me that life isn't fair
The thing that once was just a release
Has now turned into my deadly disease