10 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF BEFORE GOING ALL THE WAY

6. How Will I Feel in Terms of My Personal Values and Religious Beliefs?

"Society has placed such a taboo on premarital sex that guilt feelings almost always develop. More so for girls than guys. Culturally, it's often viewed as okay for a guy to have sex — he gets a pat on the back, a girl gets called names," says Dr. Bruggeman.

It's important to ask yourself these questions: Do you have any religious or ethical feelings that may be hard to deal with afterward? Will there be an added level of dishonesty and deceitfulness in your life as a result of your decision?

Lisa: "I felt bad all the time. I was afraid my parents would find out. I knew deep down I wasn't doing what was right according to my religion."

7. What Kind of Experience Do I Want My First Sexual Experience to Be?

You can control the circumstances surrounding a sexual encounter. If it is important to you that sex occur in a particular environment or under a particular set of circumstances, you should wait until those factors are in place. First-time sex is something you'll remember. Unfortunately, many teens end up remembering an experience they'd rather forget!

"We did it at a friend's house. There was a party going on. A lot of people were hanging out. We were in one of the bedrooms. Everybody suspected what was going on; I was so embarrassed. People kept knocking on the door, turning up the stereo, making rude remarks outside the door. I was humiliated." —Lisa

"We did it at my house. My parents were at work. She had to leave before they got home." —Ben

"It happened at a friend's house. I wanted to stop, but I was afraid to tell him. He shouldn't have been the guy I lost my virginity to. I felt dirty, guilty, and regretted it because of my religious beliefs." —Amy

"The whole night was raunchy. We were drunk. Another couple was in the same room." —Allen

"We did it in his bedroom. The experience was awful. I said no, but he got mad and made me feel bad for not stopping him. I didn't want him mad at me." —Renee

"We'd gone out for dinner, and we were in my bedroom talking. Music was playing, and it just kind of happened. It wasn't planned at all." —Jeff

8. Can I Handle the Responsibilities that Go with Being a Sexually Active Person?

Don't laugh. With sex comes responsibility — whether you like it or not.

Would you know where to go for an HIV or pregnancy test? Have you and your partner discussed having sex? (Talk it over when you're both calm — and clothed!) Do you feel comfortable seeking advice from your parents or another adult? Will your reputation be affected? Will you regret your decision? What are the motivating factors behind your wanting to have sex?

IMPORTANT REMINDERS A guy who cares about you will be willing to wait. He'll have more respect for girls who stick up for their beliefs.

Sex can be an awkward, intimate act. Baring yourself literally and emotionally can be difficult. "Sex begins with communication. If a couple cannot talk openly and take responsibility, they will not have a good experience with sex, and that experience will set the tone in their relationships for the rest of their lives. It's so much easier to give in to the pressure than to wait until you're ready," Dr. Bruggeman says.

Assert yourself from the beginning. Know where you stand, and then stand up for your beliefs. Sex that occurs as a result of pressure from someone else almost always has negative consequences. Giving in to someone else's wishes won't make someone like you more. You'll end up feeling bad about compromising on a decision that should be yours and yours alone. Don't compromise your feelings and principles. Before you consider having sex, consider your options. You are in control of your body, your life, and your future. If you say the word no and your partner doesn't respect your opinion, try this word instead: Good-bye!

SEX AND REGRETS

Ben: "Looking back, I wonder if our relationship would still be going strong if we hadn't gone through with it. Things seemed to change. It felt like we couldn't go back to the way things had been before."

Lisa: "It wasn't worth it! I'd wait. A number of girls at my school have dropped out because of getting pregnant. I'm constantly reminded that there are so many reasons not to have sex."

Allen: "I'd wait. I wish it had been more meaningful, but I was stupid and in a hurry."

Alice: "I was too young. All my friends were having sex and I was curious more than anything. I gave in to peer pressure."

Jeremy: "Personally, I believe you're having sex too soon if there isn't a wedding ring on your finger."

Alice: "I was confused, we didn't talk afterward except to say good night. Then he didn't call me for three days. I thought I had done something wrong. We didn't interact the same way after it happened. That was two years ago. I haven't had sex since."

Rose: "Afterward, he bragged to all his friends. I asked him to stop talking about us and the next day the rumor around school was that I looked good naked. I hated going to school each day because I thought I'd hear new rumors about me. I felt like a slut. I felt used and guilty."

Lisa: "I felt terrible about myself, like I was trash. It seemed like he lost interest in me. Like I was a conquest or something. It definitely influenced how I felt about myself and I kept pretty much to myself."

Jeremy: "I couldn't believe how changed we were, like two different people — total strangers. It's pretty ironic. Here's this event that is supposed to cause two people to feel closer to each other and it totally drove us apart."

Allen: "I felt like a dog. I had gone to a party with one of my friends. We each picked up on girls we met there. We had no respect for those girls at all. I was really ashamed of myself."

5 SIGNS YOU SHOULD WAIT

If your decision regarding becoming sexually active centers around one of these fears, you should wait!

1. Fear of losing him

2. Fear of appearing immature or babyish

3. Fear of being viewed as a prude

4. Fear of being seen as inexperienced

5. Fear of what other people will think