IS YOUR FAMILY DRIVING YOU NUTS?
Constantly being grilled about where you're going, what you're doing and who you're seeing? It's like a firing squad every time you step out the door. It probably never bugged you before-but the older you get, the more privacy you want. That's natural. If you're convinced your parents have turned into FBI investigators, here's how to tell if their concern is normal or kinda nuts:
There's a problem if:
They're normal if:
BENDING THE RULES
When you were little, you (almost) always followed the rules. Now that you're mature and making your own decisions, you're questioning what's fair. Parents don't realize that the rules they imposed five years ago-like "Lights out by 8:30!"-may not work with your mature status. Want them to ease up? Be responsible. That means: negotiate all rules before you break them. Don't pull a Buffy-the-Vampire-Slayer move and sneak out to hang with buds. Sneak around, and eventually you'll get busted. Then you'll have to build their trust all over again. give as much as you take. If you get permission to sleep over at your friend's house, come home at a reasonable hour the next day. Then wash the dishes or do something special to let them know you appreciate the freedom.
KEEP THEM INFORMED. They're more likely to let you go out if they know you have a ride home. A minute-by-minute schedule isn't necessary, but some names and numbers are a good start.
Want the homestead to be as stress-free as an episode of SEVENTH HEAVEN? psychologist Dr. David Jeckman has the following tips for improving things with your folks:
Communication
That doesn't mean complaining about how many chores you have to do; it's about listening to and understanding each other. Maybe when Mom grumbled that you don't do anything around the house, what she really meant was you forgot to take out the trash last night. So get to the bottom of things before World War III breaks out.
Negotiation
If you don't like the house rules, ask if you can modify them-sort of like an amendment to the Constitution. Discuss a fair punishment for breaking a rule in advance, and if you screw up, stick to what was discussed.
Work it OUT
Spend only 20 percent of your energy discussing a problem and 80 percent resolving it, Jeckman says. So Mom and Dad want you home by 11, but the movie ends at 10:45. Don't waste time screaming. Explain that it's a 25-minute ride from the theater, so it would be physically impossible for you to get home by curfew.
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