When Your Best Friend Gets a Boyfriend (and Dumps You!)

The Situation: Your friend has her first — or a new — boyfriend and has no time for you.

The Deal: If you haven’t had a boyfriend already, it might be tough to understand why your used-to-be-best friend now spends all her time with some guy. “Relationships with guys are so different from those with girl friends,” says Sylvia Cary, a certified counselor in Woodland Hills, California. “They’re exciting for many different reasons.” You experience many different thoughts, feelings, and emotions. The problem is that many times, the boyfriend takes center stage, and the girl dumps all her friends.

How to Deal: The key here is patience. “For about the first three months, your friend is in something like outer space,” says Cary. “But eventually, she will come back down to reality — and then she’ll need friends.” Be understanding of her overinvolvement with her boyfriend. These might be new experiences for her, and she wants to explore them. But if you notice after a few months that your friend has stopped doing the things she enjoys, or things that made her happy, like playing the piano or soccer, tell her. Say, “I’m really happy for you. But you’re my friend too. When he’s busy, maybe we could spend some time together.” Avoid making your friend feel guilty and don’t try to start a competition between you and her BF. Try to be supportive and, hopefully, she’ll do the same when you’re with a guy.